i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
