my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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