I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
