Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
