Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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