I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
