it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize