this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
