I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do vagina's smell?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
