the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
