My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
