Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
