You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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