dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
