I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
