1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
