I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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