I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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