So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
