Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I just put wine in my tea
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
