If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize