Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
