I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
