I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
