Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
