well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
