He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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