well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
