Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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