He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
