My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize