Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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