What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
