I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
