Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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