I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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