Please, let me fuck your mom
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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