The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize