I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
