I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
