all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
