So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
