dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize