Nicole vs. Life
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
