i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
