I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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