I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
