I think im going to throw up on grandma
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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