Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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