fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
