You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
