:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
