Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
