Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
