When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
