she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
