i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
