New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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