Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
