I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
