She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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