Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
