I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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