Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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