i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
