I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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