Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I touched a dick in church today
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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