My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize