Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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