Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
